


The Right Saber

by hovercraft



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Crack, M/M, Marriage Proposal, please pray for Arthur he's in so much trouble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-12 15:23:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18449315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hovercraft/pseuds/hovercraft
Summary: “If my Saber isn’t here, then you will have to do.”Gilgamesh meets Arthur Pendragon, and his opinion on him doesn’t alter from the original. In an attempt to deter his advances, Arthur makes a grave mistake.





	1. Chapter 1

Chaldea’s warm halls were particularly abuzz today. Arthur didn’t really know why. Sitting calmly in Ritsuka’s room, he wondered what on earth drew the attention. Usually, only particularly strong servants being summoned got the entourage of a dozen Chaldea staff revolving around them. Arthur had gotten the same treatment, plus a dreamy look from Ritsuka. Da Vinci had taken a special interest in him as well… with a few of the other servants teasing him for being the ‘handsome one’ in the lineup.

Curiosity now piqued, he passed a few servants skittering down the hall as he walked to the summoning room. A haughty laugh emerged from it, and for a second, Arthur’s eyes lit up with familiarity.

Gilgamesh?

No. No, this wasn’t his Gilgamesh.

This one was bedecked in armor too fancy for even the one he knew. He looked proper and a bit older, like a true king. The room fell silent when Arthur entered.

“What…?” He asked, softly. “Don’t go quiet for my sake.”

Apparently, Gilgamesh had been demanding to know where the King of Knights was. Arturia had never been summoned here, and his belligerence grew as they tried to tell him ‘but we do have Arthur!’ Arthur? What did he care about…

The same blue armor, green eyes, blond hair. Gilgamesh strode over to size him up.

Arthur searched his red eyes for some kind of hint as to what he was looking for. The way the King of Heroes stared at him, hungrily and with some undetectable emotion, was downright chilling. Gilgamesh put his hand to his chin and circled him like a vulture appraising a piece of meat. Arthur couldn’t help but be more than apprehensive. After all, he remembered what Gilgamesh was like.

“Tell me, King of Knights. Who does a king serve?”

What a random question for two people who’ve just met. Nonetheless, Arthur was the kind of man who’d dignify his searching for an answer with a response.

“A king serves his people and those who follow him to the ends of the Earth.” A slightly amused look crossed his face. “May I ask why you—”

“Interesting. She would have answered the same.”

“The other Arthur of this world, yes? We _are_ identical…” Arthur trailed off. “Down to our experiences up until the Holy Grail War of Fuyuki. It’s only natural we’d be quite similar—almost identical, more or less.”

“Hm.” Gilgamesh appraised him with some scrutiny. What did it matter if his Saber was a man? They didn’t share the same history, but that was a boon in its own right. He could start over with this one. Ritsuka didn’t seem like she was willing to summon Arturia—at least, not on purpose. This one could tide him over until then. Of course, he was deciding this all without Arthur’s input, but that wasn’t necessary. Arthur would come to bend to his whims whether he liked it or not, and if he had that same spark of life Arturia had, he could expect it to be an amusing fight.

“I’ll talk to you again later.” He shrugged him off, turning back to his new master. “I’ll find you when the time is right.”

Arthur could not have been more perplexed.

\--

It was in the study that Gilgamesh found him next.

Dressed down to his casual clothes and out of his armor, he fixated that same hungry stare on Arthur. He would never ask his master to use a command seal on him, but how nice would the thought be to see her make Arthur kneel before him? It would only be his _right and reward_ for answering her summons if it weren’t so cheap and undermined his charisma, even if he was sure he could intimidate Ritsuka into doing so. He would have Arthur through the sheer strength of his own will. There had to be some weakness, some window of opportunity that Arturia did not possess.

“I asked her to marry me, you know.”

“Who…?” Arthur looked up from his book, curious.

“Arturia. She was to be my bride.”

A tinge of pink crossed Arthur’s face. There it was! The crack in his armor. Catching him off guard was his weak point.

“She agreed?” He asked, dubiously.

“On the contrary, she resisted to the very end.” Gilgamesh answered. “I wonder if you’re any different.”

The color hadn’t faded from Arthur’s face and he turned back to his book, satisfied with the answer and unsatisfied with Gilgamesh’s continued presence. “If you’re anything like the Gilgamesh I know, then she and I are one in the same.”

“Did he pursue you?”

“No.”

“Tch. Then he was an unworthy copy of me.” Arthur gave him an incredulous _what on Earth are you talking about_ look. “If you are anything like her, then you should hold all the same captivating weaknesses. A king serving his people? A king is a king, for his people to look up to and aspire to be one tenth of the man he is. A king sits above all others.”

“…”

Arthur could sense this argument had happened before and didn’t want to start it again. That would be giving Gilgamesh what he wanted. Yet the man across from him could tell what he was thinking—this one was brazenly telling him he wanted to pursue him and would, so it was best to disengage at all costs. Such tactics wouldn’t work on the King of Heroes, and he had to curb whatever budding hatred Arthur was cooking beneath the surface.

“I won’t play the same game with you that you played with her.”

“Then don’t! By all means, don’t _bore_ me. It’ll be much simpler if you just accept my proposal and be done with it.”

Arthur’s jaw dropped. “You’re _serious_?”

“Not only am I serious, I have all the patience in the world for you to come to your senses.”

“We just met!”

“We’re familiar enough with each other for me to know you and Arturia are no different. Plus, you might hold some surprises for me.”

Arthur decided then and there it wasn’t worth dignifying with a response, but Gilgamesh would simply take it as that he never said ‘no’. This was taunting, this was… something beyond what Arthur expected to deal with. It sounded like Gilgamesh was playing games for the hell of it, just to cure his boredom for the time being. He couldn’t anticipate at all that he was serious. He stood up and walked out of the room, straight past Gilgamesh, who merely leered with a grin as he walked by.

“I look forward to getting to know you nonetheless. This ‘you’.”

\--

“Ritsuka, you have to know _something_.”

Arthur practically begged as Ritsuka sat down for her daily checkup. She merely shook her head as Romani listened to her pulse.

“I don’t know what goes on in his head. He only just got here… but, if he’s anything like Caster Gilgamesh—”

“There are two?!”

“Three, actually. He’s also got a child persona, too. But the point is, I think all you have to do is bore him. Maybe… play the opposite game with him? Whatever you feel like doing, do the opposite.”

“What? Then that’d be accepting what he’s asking!”

“Maybe that’ll convince him you’re not his Saber and have him back off, I’unno.”

Arthur thought about it for a solid minute, pacing the room. “You know, it might just…”

Romani began to speak. “I don’t think—”

“Thank you, Ritsuka. Next time I see him, I’ll tell him I accept.”

“Wait—”

Ritsuka only smiled as Arthur left the room, despite Romani calling for him. Turning back to her, Romani had the most confused look on his face.

“That’s going to be a _disaster_.”

Ritsuka grinned. “I know, right?”

\--

Arthur carefully planned the time to deliver his answer. Just after ember gathering, when Gilgamesh would be the most worn out (“worn out” he thought, as he came in unscathed and talking down to the rest of the party, effectively demoralizing them for the next trip), Arthur would make his move. It would make him seem a bit touched in the head, but hopefully the other servants would know him well enough to know that this was a ploy on Gilgamesh’s ego. The real Arthur would never, ever say something like what he was about to say.

And Gilgamesh would be disgusted with it, proclaim that it wasn’t at all like his Arturia, and call it a day.

“Gilgamesh.” Arthur began to walk over to him, calm and collected as ever. The King of Heroes looked more than amused, ready to take whatever barbs Arthur was about to exchange with him. Anything for the thrill of clashing swords with an Arthur again—

“Have you considered my proposal?” He smirked, arm crossed over his armored chest.

“I have, and I accept. I shall become your bridegroom and fulfill all the duties it entails.”

The room fell deathly silent but for Ozymandias holding back his laughter in a silent wheeze.

Gilgamesh’s eyebrows raised, as if he was carefully observing the trap of a box and stick, both easily seeing how Arthur was playing this game and pondering how he could spin it to his advantage.

“Do you swear yourself to love me and only me?”

That was making Arthur sweat bullets, but if he didn’t commit to the end of the ruse, Gilgamesh wouldn’t be put off by this behavior and turn him away. It didn’t matter to him that the two hardly knew each other—he knew enough to know that he wanted _an_ Arthur and it didn’t really matter which. Keeping a straight face, Arthur continued.

“I swear on my honor as a knight, I will have you and only you, as long as you do so for me. I think you’ll find that I’m quite different from my counterpart. I find your… charisma to be so… charming. And I spent a lifetime of delaying the inevitable already to consider if I should do so now.”

“Ho ho. You consider this inevitable?”

“Isn’t it clearly? Aren’t we bound by… fate?”

Gilgamesh had sprung the trap by pushing Arthur face-forward into it. Arthur might be more amusing than Arturia for trying to outsmart him, and that made this _all the more delightful_.

“Rejoice, mongrels!” Gilgamesh’s voice was loud and booming. “Your King of Knights has made the wisest decision in his entire life! He is now my betrothed and I shall thank you to keep your eyes off of him, for it is as he said—he is mine and only mine.”

Arthur could hear nothing but his own voice, screaming in his mind. It completely drowned out the confused applause mixed in with Ozymandias’ enthusiastic clapping. Arthur didn’t know who was losing or who was winning at this point, taking Gilgamesh’s hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it as he tried desperately to think of a way out of this.

\--

“Ritsuka, I beg of you. You need to summon Arturia _now_.”

“Sorry,” Ritsuka said, gathering up pieces of quartz fragments. “I don’t think I can. I don’t have all the necessary materials”

“You have to!”

“You’re a grown man. Just tell Gilgamesh it was to put him off.”

“I swore on my honor as a knight!”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have done that. Besides, it’s not Arturia’s fault you did, she shouldn’t have to take your place. Congrats, Mr. Gilgamesh.”

Arthur had been hiding from Gilgamesh all day, turning a corner whenever he heard his laugh. The engagement had become the talk of Chaldea so quickly that every servant had been asking him if he felt all right or what the hell he was thinking—Mordred in particular was furious with him, and he couldn’t tell him the truth. The Knights of the Round Table looked at him sort of helplessly—he was ‘an’ Arthur, not _the_ Arthur, so while they pledged to serve with him… they could only watch as he made that stupid decision. Arthur was truly alone in a universe where no one knew him, and therefore, no one knew why he made the worst decision of his life.

“Master.”

It was none other than Gilgamesh, which made Arthur jump. However, it wasn’t the right Gilgamesh. Here was the wise king—the Caster. He stared at Arthur with a tired disapproval.

“If it isn’t my betrothed.” He muttered, thumbing through the pages of his book. “Ritsuka, we’ll need more materials for enhancement, so might I suggest—”

“You’re a Gilgamesh, can you—” Arthur began.

“I’m _the_ Gilgamesh,” He snarled. “Same as my other self. And no, you’re stuck with Archer me. Your wedding will be the most terribly amusing thing to witness since I watched Ishtar trip into the salad bar in the cafeteria.”

“Please—”

“It’s such a pleasure to watch you beg. Unfortunately, you won’t get into the machinations of my mind through me.”

Arthur put a fist to his palm. “Then the kid—”

“—has yet to be summoned.” Caster finished. “To think I might’ve had an interest in you were it not for you falling for my other self’s games.”

It was hopeless. Romani pat Arthur’s back as he sunk back into a chair.

Arthur leaned back, whispering to himself.

“What am I going to _do_ …?”


	2. Chapter 2

Gilgamesh was waiting for him to break down and admit everything was a lie, but in the meantime, he couldn’t help but delight in the subtle misery of Arthur as he pulled a wedding band out of his treasury to slip onto his de-gloved finger.

“Heroic spirits hardly need a ceremony, so—”

“D-do you mean to say we’re already married in your eyes?”

“Were we in the middle of another Holy Grail war, I’d say so. But we have the luxury of time so long as Fujimaru Ritsuka is alive. We could have a proper modern wedding.”

Oh, thank god. Arthur had time—wait, time for what? He should be telling him, _now_ , that it was all a ruse to get him to back off and—

“You know what? You should keep this ring.”

“Hmm… you’re right.”

Arthur felt like he could finally breathe.

“The red gem on the band doesn’t suit you. I’ll find a sapphire one.”

God _damn_ it!

“Actually, I—”

“Cold feet do not suit you, either. Didn’t you swear to me on your honor as a knight? You wouldn’t sully that, would you?”

“Of… course not. But can’t we get to know each other?” Anything to buy them time. “We could go somewhere nice… somewhere private.”

Gil exuded a smug aura. “Oh? You want to consummate the marriage early?”

“ _Who the hell said anything about consummation_!”

“Why, you did, when you said you’d be the bridegroom with ‘all the duties it entailed’. I’m looking forward to it.”

Okay, this ended now. He was not going to end up in bed with Gilgamesh! As Arthur went to raise his voice, someone bumped into him from behind. The air in the room filled with a soft, floral scent.

“Excuse me, Arthur,” Merlin began, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I thought I’d take the liberty of making the bouquet, but I don’t have the colors for your wedding yet. What are—”

“Gold.” Gilgamesh answered simply.

Merlin smiled back at Gilgamesh with an ‘are you serious’ look. “Ah, there are no such thing as golden flowers. Can you give me another?”

“Merlin, now’s not really the time—” Arthur tried to cut in, but Merlin wouldn’t have any of it. He waved Arthur off like a harried bride-to-be, that he was so generously taking the worry away from. Everything would be fine in Merlin onii-san’s hands, just you wait.

“Don’t worry about it! It is a pleasure—no, an honor—to help my would-be king with his very beautiful wedding. You mustn’t treat this as any other wedding! This is an alliance between the past and future, for the sake of Britain. Anyway, those colors--?”

“Hmph. Blue will do. That’s the bride’s color, after all.”

“Blue flowers! Still not common, ah…” Merlin trailed off wistfully. “But I can make it work. Thank you.”

Merlin, save me, Arthur’s eyes pleaded, but there would be no rescue from Merlin, who considered every bit of bullshit like this to be the light in his life. Besides, if Arthur took up all of Gilgamesh’s time, wouldn’t that make things easier on his Arturia? His motives were of course a bit selfish, but Merlin’s name was under selfish in the dictionary. Besides, he wanted to see this end up all the way to the aisle, where Arthur would either crack under pressure or end up married to the biggest bastard in the world.

“Since when were you deciding my color?” The off topic thought crossed his mind.

Gilgamesh laughed. “Since you decided not to speak up, I did. Am I going to have to do all the talking for you as your husband? Tch, I wouldn’t have expected less.”

Oh hell no. This arrogant bastard had all the makings of the worst husband—not that Arthur should even be looking for a husband, he was a _heroic spirit_. He didn’t deserve to be debased by this bastard any longer and refused to allow this to continue.

Before Arthur could speak, Gilgamesh took him by the chin to look into his eyes.

“Now I see Ozymandias’ fascination with Ritsuka’s gaze. So much anger beneath those green eyes…”

“I don’t exist to amuse you.” Arthur spat.

“You don’t.” Gilgamesh conceded. “I have much bigger plans for you than that. You are meant to be treasured, my one in a billion chance at obtaining something I cannot have.”

“I’m not something that someone _obtains_ , I’m a heroic spirit!”

“And yet, you agreed to marry me. You’re mine until Chaldea can no longer support our forms. And even then, I’ll remember what’s mine when I return to the Throne of Heroes. They won’t be saying ‘death do us part’ at our wedding, fuhahahaha!”

Oh my lord, he’s crazy, Arthur thought. Whatever he did to make Arturia hate him, he was finally beginning to understand. As Gilgamesh swapped out the ring in his treasury for a beautiful sapphire and diamond one and slid it _firmly_ onto Arthur’s finger, so tight that it might never come off, several things began to also pour out. Things for preparing for a wedding, silks, outfits. Gold spilled out to pay the staff to prepare things for them. Where would they marry? In Uruk, of course, it was just a rayshift away—

Arthur excused himself as quickly as possible.

\--

“I don’t understand…”

Arthur leaned his arms on the bar as Moriarty was tending it. He wasn’t a drinker, so only a mocktail sat on a coaster beside him. The sorry sight of him was enough to bring Moriarty down—psych, it brought him great joy. The once greatest king of Britain lamenting his wedding vows? What was more hilarious than that? He kept providing the drinks as long as Arthur provided the laughs.

“What isn’t there to understand? You’re engaged to a tyrant. Is this not the happiest day of your life?”

“Very funny,” Arthur mused, taking a sip of his drink. “I just can’t get a single word in edgewise, and now everyone is excited for it. They must delight in my misery.”

“Everyone loves seeing a goody-two-shoes get taken down a few pegs—I mean, you poor thing,” Moriarty wiped up a glass and set it back under the counter. “What on Earth possessed you to say something so bold to Gilgamesh, anyway?”

“I thought the opposite would work on him… our Master said it was the right thing to do.”

“Our Master has a mean streak a mile wide. She’s only honest when it counts. A great master, for sure… but a terrible influence.” Moriarty was proud of her, in that sense. Things were never boring when she was around. Her crippling gambling addiction was probably her only downside.

“How do I tell him?”

Moriarty laughed. “You don’t get the gravity of the situation you’re in. You gave the King your word. Even if you said it was a lie to try and disgust him, he’d tell you to face the consequences of your actions. He’ll literally have it as a shotgun wedding if he’s able to. You dug your grave so deep there’s no clawing your way out.”

Arthur looked white as a sheet, and Moriarty put down another drink.

“But there’s always lying back and thinking of England!”

Arthur glared daggers into him, ignoring the drink and finally standing up. Maybe getting sent on a task by Chaldean staff would clear his head… he could definitely go for some fighting.

\--

“I don’t need a best man, I am already the _best man_.”

It was a marvel that the King of Heroes could be so powerful, so wise, and yet still such a stupid bitch.

He had managed to redirect some of Chaldea’s staff to helping arrange for his wedding. Centerpieces were being made for a wedding no one was very sure would happen at all. Gil eventually conceded the role of best man to Ozymandias, for Enkidu wasn’t there to fill the shoes. Had he been there, a colossal fight would likely have broken out between them, mostly on Ozymandias’ side. It would have been an amusement to watch, for sure, but his attention was focused on the wedding itself. It turned out rayshifting with all of the materials would be impossible, so the wedding would be in Chaldea’s main hall.

It would be happening _very_ soon.

“You should let him go. He’s going to tell you the wedding’s off anyway.”

“Let go one of the most fascinating prizes to fall in my lap as of late? Never.” Gilgamesh harshly scolded a staff member for tying a ribbon the wrong way before turning back to his older self. “Even if he refuses, I’ll drag him by chain to the altar. He gave me his word, and that’s enough for me to do what I want with him.”

“Why not wait for the Saber you want?”

“This is the Saber I want. Not only is he amusing, he thought to defy me by trying to trick me. I dearly love the Saber of my world, but there is no use waiting for her when something so interesting waits for me here.”

Arthur was just around the corner as he overheard this. Drag him by chain? Ritsuka wouldn’t allow that, would sh—

She very well might.

“The groom!”

Jack saw him from down the hall and began running at top speed to collide with him. She was carrying a basket of flowers that spilled over at the moment of impact. He’d always been kind to the little girl in the ragged cloak.

“Is it true you’re getting married?”

“I…”

Jack hopped up and down. “Mommy said so! So you must be!” She reached into her basket and pulled out a single flower for him. “The shiny king said I get to be the flower girl! I can’t wait…!”

Oh, great, now dashing a child’s hopes were on the line, too? “I’m… sure you’ll be wonderful.” He reached down to gently pat her head. No—a child wasn’t going to deter him from telling Gilgamesh the truth. Even if it was just as he said, and he was going to drag him down the aisle in chains… Arthur at least needed to keep his dignity and resist until the very end. He strode boldly into the room where the wedding planning was happening, and pointed to Gilgamesh.

“This wedding is off! I was only—trying to deter you by proving to you that I’m not your Saber!”

Gilgamesh just laughed.

“I’m sorry, is a king not as good as his word?”

“It was given in jest. You should know that.”

Gilgamesh let out a ‘hmph’. “I refuse your refusal.”

…

“… what?!”

“It’s just as I said. I refuse your refusal. The wedding is still on, despite my bridegroom’s doubts.” He glanced around at the staff beside him. “Keep working.”

“I’ll… I’ll _fight_ you for my own honor!”

Gilgamesh smirked. “Very well. If you lose, you surrender to me entirely, and regardless of what word you give, you will be forever mine. I’ll grant you your freedom if you win.”

“It is settled!”

\--

That fight ended very quickly.

What Arthur failed to remember was the class advantage archers had against sabers, and what Arthur couldn’t have possibly known was that Ritsuka had absolutely showered Gilgamesh in materials and embers on his arrival. He was bursting with power when Arthur merely sat at level eighty. He’d also been given his fair share of grails, too.

Arthur was laying flat on the ground and staring up at the ceiling, pondering his life, his choices, and if it really would have been better to just act undignified and unbecoming.

“Rise,” Gilgamesh commanded. “The floor is no place for my bridegroom-to-be. I shall forgive your lashing out as nerves before the wedding. Now you truly can no longer go back on your word.”

Arthur stood up, all the while looking like his ghost had left his non-mortal form. His head drooped slightly as he realized that with his joke, he was now fully engaged to the King of Heroes. And there was nothing he could do about it.

“That look of despair on your face…” Gilgamesh cupped his face and leaned in to kiss him. “… is simply too delicious to let go unnoticed.” Arthur leaned as far back as he could, but Gilgamesh had already snatched him by the waist and was reeling him in like a fish.

“Don’t you want to save… all of that for the wedding?” He asked, hoping to prolong the inevitable as much as he possibly could.

“Hoh? Is the good king of Brits extremely chaste or fearful I might damage him in some way?” Even now, he was craning his neck to get close, but Arthur was impressively inventing new ways to lean away.

“More like you know I don’t want this in the slightest—” Arthur protested furiously, but in putting his hand on Gilgamesh’s face to make him back off, he merely settled for kissing his palm. Arthur drew his hand away in disgust and the King of Heroes couldn’t help but watch in absolute amusement. This Saber was shaping up to be quite the investment. As Arthur finally struggled away from his arms, Gilgamesh crossed his arms and laughed.

“We’ll wed this Sunday!” He proclaimed. “I see no reason to delay this any further! Prepare yourselves for a wedding befitting a pair of Kings!”

Even after he disappeared, Gilgamesh’s laughter seemed to follow him. Arthur swallowed hard. He felt a tiny hand tug at his own. Jack looked up at him with wide eyes.

“Do you need me to…” She lifted her knife hopefully.

“No…” Arthur rubbed his eye in exhaustion. “No, I’ll handle this.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Well, Lancelot?” Shadows hung under Arthur’s eyes as other servants took his measurements for the suit he’d wear for the wedding—bright white with gold and blue accents. “Do you have the heart to seduce another one of my spouses, for the sake of your King?”

Lancelot said nothing in bashful shame, no matter how sincere Arthur’s question was.

“Well… at least you had confidence in your abilities, my Lord,” Gawain was also at a loss of words. He never imagined Arthur would fight for the sake of his own honor without remembering Gilgamesh outclassed him in every single way. Then again, Gawain would probably rather die fighting than marry Gilgamesh. Arthur had no such option.

“This is truly sad…” Tristan plucked his bow like a harp. “I never imagined I’d see the day where our King would marry a beast of a person. Let us not chide him for mistakes made. It is clear he did it to avoid this direct outcome.”

Mordred merely fumed. All of them, with the exception of Tristan, were Saber classes, and even together, none of them had the ability to take down Gilgamesh. If they could just knock him down a peg, he’d reconsider marrying his _dad_! In the hallways, Gilgamesh told him not to be a disappointing stepchild, and that had set off all kinds of rage. “I don’t understand why Master won’t use a command seal to call the whole thing off.”

“That would be too easy…” Gawain said, with a sigh. “It seems that Arthur is stuck as long as our Master is… herself.”

The suit would be tailored overnight by servants who knew their way around fabric. Gilgamesh was handing out boons left and right to anyone who’d help, so as long as they didn’t know Arthur, they were happy to oblige. Whether it be the finest wine for the drunks or a few treasures for the particularly greedy servants, he was going all out. Arthur’s escape window was closing. Were it not for the fact that he had to continue his journey after his time at Chaldea was over, he’d ask to be converted to rare prisms.

“It’ll be fine…” Arthur began, putting on a brave and dignified front. “He’s my betrothed. If I don’t have the power to influence him, who will? This might even rein him in somewhat.”

Everyone doubted that, and one could feel it in the room. The knights of the round excused themselves, leaving their king to ponder in melancholy what on Earth he was going to do.

Well, consummation wasn’t going to happen, for sure, even Gilgamesh wouldn’t sink that low—how sure was he that this wasn’t a prank by Gilgamesh up until the last second? He could hope that at the ‘I do’s’, Gilgamesh would yell JUST KIDDING and high five Ozymandias, but… no, he seemed oddly sincere. Well, all of his actions until now had been completely sincere, if he thought about it… ugh. Even a completely normal married life seemed terrible no matter how one looked at it.

When he passed Ritsuka in the hallway, she flashed him an ‘OK’ sign with her hand, whatever that meant. If things were really okay, she’d have used a command seal by now to end this farce. Don’t they recharge once every three days?

\--

The wedding preparations really were beautiful, because Gilgamesh would accept nothing less.

No streamers, no fake flowers. Even in Chaldea, he would gather the most valuable resources to make the wedding as elegant as possible. He was truly sparing no expense, and Caster was eyeing the waste of the whole debacle. He sized up Archer with a suspicious glare.

“An awful long way to go for a farce, wouldn’t you say?”

“I’ll thank you for not referring to my marriage as a farce.” Gilgamesh was simply watching and supervising from his seat, watching the hall be decorated in swaths of white, gold, red, and blue. “Arthur has proven himself to be quite the interesting iteration of my Saber. I couldn’t obtain her… but this one was foolish enough to pave the way for me to obtain him. And I can already tell he won’t be boring.”

Caster sighed, tired of this nonsense as it was, knowing Archer couldn’t be deterred. Arthur was fascinating, sure… even he had to concede that basic attraction he shared with his younger self. But he was being so foolish that it was hard to see that.

“Besides, if you really wanted to put a stop to this, you would have.”

“… true. It is hilarious to watch a man make so many missteps and have to pay for his actions.”

\--

On the day of the wedding, Arthur woke up with a pounding headache and a primal fear of what was to come, but damned if he wouldn’t face what was coming with dignity. He did stake his pride on the line with what was coming, and he swore himself to Gilgamesh if he failed. And boy, did he fail.

Only a few servants stuck around for him to get into his suit, mostly the Knights of the Round. They watched helplessly as Arthur dressed to his best. Merlin entered the room to drop off the bouquet, and was immediately yelled at to get out by the rest of the Round Table. Arthur picked up the flowers with a sense of dread, overlooking the white roses and blue lilies for some kind of flaw. They were perfect, and with a resigned glance, Arthur took a seat in his room to wait to be called to the altar.

“This isn’t fucking fair!” Exclaimed Mordred, who’d been surprised to find he got along with this Arthur way better than he had with his own. He actually acknowledged him, for one, which was pretty much a step up in all regards. “I’ll kill him. I’ll—”

“Don’t worry about it, Mordred. I put my honor on the line, and I paid the price for it. Maybe… it won’t be so bad.”

Gilgamesh’s laughter could be heard from outside the hallway. Arthur shuddered. Mordred drew his sword. “I’ll defeat that pig or die trying!”

“I said _no_ , Mordred.” Arthur put a hand on his shoulder. “We’re just going to have to accept this.”

The flowers in the bouquet that Merlin put together were indeed beautiful, and Arthur searched them for any secret weapon the mage might have planted inside them—but they were only ordinary flowers. The sound of organ music began to play and Arthur knew that was his cue to start walking. His suit was pristine, his hair immaculate, and his mood absolutely foul.

Jack had been properly dressed for the occasion, throwing flowers behind her and at people as she walked down the aisle in front of Arthur, clearly having the most fun of anyone at the wedding, besides Gilgamesh. Taking one step in front of the other, Arthur was keenly aware of how tight the ring was on his finger, and tried thinking rigorously about what to do next.

It was moments before he stood across from Gilgamesh, dressed in his finest and leering at him with pride. No doubt, he was planning the honeymoon already. Arthur glared and Gilgamesh just let out an amused ‘hmph’.

“You look fit to be my bride.”

“Don’t act so smug at a shotgun wedding.”

“Did you not walk up here of your own accord?”

“Excuse me—” The priest interrupted. “If we could continue?”

The ceremony positively dragged on, and Arthur couldn’t be more thankful for every moment that he wasn’t married to Gilgamesh. Let this droning never end, so that he could be in a stalemate forever—

“If anyone objects to this union, speak now, or forever hold your peace—”

“ME!” Mordred shouted from the folding chair he sat at. “I object, and there’s no way—”

“Is there a non- _mongrel_ who objects?” Gilgamesh raised his voice over Mordred’s, speaking for the priest. No one raised their voices, as the Knights of the Round wrangled Mordred back into his seat.

The priest coughed. “Do you, Gilgamesh, take—”

“Obviously, I do. Next.”

“Do you, Arthur Pendragon, take Gilgamesh…”

As the priest went on, Arthur steeled himself to give his answer. His pride was on the line, and as every servant watched him intently, he found himself choking on his response. How easy would it be to throw the bouquet in Gilgamesh’s face and tell him that this was a farce and he wouldn’t take it seriously any longer? But he’d put his word as a King on this twice. His pride couldn’t take lying a second time.

“I… d—”

“ **GILGAMESH!** ”

The loud cry came from the end of the hall. Arthur would look upon his savior as if looking in a funhouse mirror—shorter in stature, in full armor and a glowing Excalibur in hand. The fabled Arturia. But… but she hadn’t even been summoned yet!

Suddenly, Ritsuka flashing the OK symbol to him came flooding back into his mind. Master…! _You just wanted to see it go on long enough, didn’t you?! You’re so cruel!_

“Fuhahahaha! It seems my Saber is jealous! Showing up right before the end of my vows!”

“Nobody is jealous, you idiot! If it weren’t for Master, I’d have allowed a version of myself become your spouse—and that’s something I can’t abide by! It seems this farce alone was my catalyst!” Arturia gripped the sword and held it aloft. Servants sitting in the chairs lining up to the altar got out of the way—one could tell a Noble Phantasm was about to break loose. Mordred practically cheered as Lancelot dragged him away.

“You!” Arturia pointed to Arthur. “We’re going to have a long talk after this! And you…” She pointed to Gilgamesh. “I’m more than crashing this wedding! I’m _destroying_ it! EXCALIBUR!”

And at that moment, class strengths and weaknesses didn’t matter. In the face of Arturia Pendragon, Excalibur was more than enough to obliterate the surroundings, leaving the elegant decorations burnt to a crisp. Arthur only managed to guard in time to weather the blast. Gilgamesh just watched and laughed, per usual, as his hard work was reduced to ashes. It seemed that getting his—no, two Sabers for the price of one was well worth the singe on his tuxedo.

Ironically, the only thing left standing in the burnt hall was the cake. Arturia strode over, knocked the little groom statues off the top, and got herself a slice.

“Arthur, you blithering idiot, as soon as I’m done with this, you’re coming with me.” She took a bite, letting the taste smother her anger for now.

\--

Two matching lumps on Arthur’s head were pounding with pain. Arturia hadn’t let him off easily.

“I don’t care if our Master said to do the opposite! You should have the common sense to know no means no and you should’ve said no!” In between bites of cake, she sat in a more casual outfit from before, a mystic code that Ritsuka had lent her, because it ‘suited her better’. “Imagine if you had said ‘I do!’ A lifetime and more with that cruel, senseless man!”

“It’s true that you’re the smarter one of us,” Arthur admitted quietly, rubbing his head. EMIYA was cutting cake for all the guests, grateful that Arturia had come and joined them. The Knights of the Round surrounded her, gladly chatting amongst themselves about being reunited with their King. “It’s amazing that his pride isn’t damaged after all of that…”

“He knows I would never allow someone to sully my name by marrying him. I won’t let him.”

Gilgamesh, in his lightly smoking tuxedo, was chatting with the Best Man over cake, occasionally giving _looks_ to Arthur and Arturia. Like ‘ah, yes. Those two are mine.’ Arturia would only glare back.

“All’s well that ends well!” Merlin clapped, happy that his Arturia was here and a little bit uncomfortable to see her alive and well. “I’m a Grand Caster, you know. I knew everything was going to be fine. It was just fun watching my dear Arthur squirm a bit.”

“You--!” Arthur exclaimed, but Arturia hushed him.

“That’s Merlin for you. Only out for his own amusement.”

“He’s the worst. I miss my own Merlin…”

“Was she any better?”

Arthur thought for a moment. “Not really.”

After a while, Gilgamesh waited for Arthur to be left alone again before swooping in on him with a haughty smirk. “You were going to say ‘I do’, weren’t you?”

Arthur closed his eyes, already feeling the headache start to rise again. “I swore on my honor as a King. Twice. I couldn’t go back on my word again.”

“Amusing… well, with Saber here, it looks like you have your little guard lion to protect you. But I’ll have you know I haven’t given up. I’ll have either both of you or one of you. Whichever.”

Arthur gave the iciest stare he’d given all day, which was saying a lot. “Does nothing deter you?”

“Not when it comes to Arthur Pendragon, in all his forms.”

“I mean this truly, Gilgamesh…” Arthur leaned in closely. “Sod off.”

“Is my ring still on your finger?” Gilgamesh’s smug voice truly annoyed him as he realized it was—he fought to pull it off, but there was no budging it.

“It’s enchanted. It won’t leave the finger of anyone who accepts it…” He said, chuckling. “And you accepted it. Therefore, I’ll consider this engagement merely postponed.”

“You--!”

“See you at the next wedding, Arthur…” Gilgamesh waved over his shoulder, mockingly. He would have gotten away, too, if Arturia hadn’t thrown her fork straight at his head.

Bullseye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was fun, hahaha.
> 
> Should I write more Gilthur? I really enjoy this ship! I'd like to write it in a less joking setting.


End file.
